Alder, Allium, Autism, Animism.

Alders' Wild Wisdom. Life and Kindness. Me, You, Us.

Dear Hearts

This Wild Wisdom today is going to be a bit of a long letter. It will be broken down into four sections and in order of Alder, Allium, Autism, Animism, sort of. I am Amanda Claire, I am Autistic ADHD, I love letters and words, and alliteration. I love trees and plants and our wild world.

Alder, Allium, Autism and Animism.

Some of you may think, “I don’t care about autism, what has this got to do with me? I just want the trees and nothing else”. Fair enough, but although I am splitting this into sections I hope you will want to read all the parts. I hope you will, because as with so many little roundabout stories of mine it does lead somewhere in the end. Or, at least I hope it will make sense to you. For this is a tale of the untold and unheard … and not just the what … but of the whom. Alder, Allium, Autism, Animism……… Alliteration.

Some words are just … so satisfying.

Anxiety … that is another word.

I used to think I was mad, bad, and broken because of how I felt inside … I felt deeply ashamed … another ‘A’ word. All of the self-help, the journeying, the spiritual work … and I still felt … secretive shame.

Anyway.

Ahhhh, Aaaayyyy. A. Aa.

I struggle to communicate sometimes … its’ a backup beaver dam demonstrably doing away with … well, doing. It is not as simple as A. B, C.

Alder

Trees are not human… not matter how much we anthropomorphise them, they are not. But, they are our kin. We are each ourselves. We (as human animals) are not our brother, nor sister, nor mother, nor father, nor any other human. We are ourselves, though we do have family traits to be sure. We might be a family of red heads, or have the same surname, or the same eyes or nose. Just like Alder trees are all of the same family but yet the way of each is writ against the sky is different. We are each different and sometimes, those differences loom large on the inside (like for many autistic people).

I created my own set of Tree Spirit Wisdom Essences. They tap into the family for each tree. Yet it is also true to say that each tree is different within their family. The Alder that grows on the side of the Borrow Pit Meadow pond is not the same as the one that grows next to the oak by the football pitch down the Salt line. Even in a group each one is different. On the surface they look the same in growth habit, bark, leaf etc. Yet each one is unique. How can we tell?

Take time to sit.

The Celtic Tree calendar is a modern invention and here we are following a simple month by month one. It is Alder time. I get a feeling and I get a sense and I see what I see. This is the nearest I can come to sharing this in the artwork below. “Oh”, you say, “But I can see a face” and I know you think I have anthropomorphised Alder. I have not. I already said trees are not human. They don’t think and feel like we do … this does NOT make them any the less. Nor does it mean they cannot communicate or have no awareness. For example, some of us humans are kinaesthetic learners, some of us learn by listening, some by seeing, some by a mix … this is in just one area of our life! Imagine the sheer variety of unique ‘beingness’ there is our world. Can you not see how very extraordinary this is?!

Alder Tree Spirit Wisdom by AC Vesty.

The word ‘extraordinary’ is a wonderful word because it has ‘extra’ in it as well as the word ‘ordinary’ in it. So, there is inherent in it the idea that our everyday life is wondrous all of the time everywhere. The day to day is ordinary, but as our awareness broadens it becomes very evident just how full our life actually is. So, my pyrography, wood tattoo, is about that. It is a transmission sent to me by Alder. In one sense yes, it IS an illustration, but not in the way you might think of it. It’s not an illustration as in a pretty picture, or a simple documentation … it is sharing the feeling and communication of Alder. … Does this make sense?

I imagine the scientific more down to earth among you might just be squirming in your seats by now. I get it and I thank you for your patience.

I have ‘channelled’ (oof! Squirmy word), or at least attempted to depict, illustrate, illumine, show, reveal, the who and what of Alder. A lot of the image is abstracted because it is energy, it is watery as Alder is of the water. Alder is an Edge Dweller between realms. Alder lives twixt earth and water, living and loving in both. Yes, there is the Ogham symbol and why? Well, because our ancestors have an innate understanding and value of the world of which they were a part, or are a part if you think of time as Einstein did. As in not being linear.

So, the energy patterns are a feeling and a ‘seeing’. The ‘bubbles’ are spirits, cosmology, ascension/’descension’ and water drops. The ‘whirl pools’ are also shields depicting the protective nature of Alder. Our Alder kin is not human so how else to depict that-which-is-other-than-human?

The Ogham symbol is depicted upon a ‘bridge’ for Alder is a bridge and their wood is also used as such, for once immersed in water it is not as susceptible to rot. The symbol is also a ladder but do we go up or down? Here in the west we have come to associate ‘up’ with ‘good’ or ‘heaven’ and ‘down’ with ‘bad’ or ‘hell’. I won’t insult your intelligence by explaining that inheritance. Beyond the fusion of indigenous knowledge with the colonialist need for writing as brought about by the Roman empire, this is a symbol of ‘beingness’ of Alder. Yes, I know you think its’ ‘branches’ or ‘prongs’ point to the right, but do they? Have you seen ogham in situation? Very often they are scribed around corners of stones or undulating across uneven surfaces. In other words, the direction is twofold at least. (I could wax lyrical but we will be a long time if I do and I fear you will entirely lose patience with me).

So now we come to the most ‘problematic’ part of the image/Alder transmission/orality/being. That is the apparent inclusion of human faces.

There is what appears to be a human figure to the left depicted as a ‘he’. Yes. There is what might be described as a human face but that face appears and disappears into the surroundings. It is ‘masculine’ in energy. A face that looks …we know not where… the middle distance, to a place beyond, through a portal? The mouth is breathing or speaking. Perhaps a spell as in spelling, a magical utterance such as bards and shamans speak. For the word hoard gained over years of immersion in the wildlands is a treasure. This energy might be described as a bridge. It is black and white, dark and light. The beard is patterned as are the catkins. Some other catkins are brim-full with pollen. There is an Alder cone, the pineal gland of a feminine face. Above ‘her’ head is the moon, ruler of water. Masculine eyes open outward looking and active, feminine eyes closed looking inwards introspective. The masculine pours into a cup. This is the grail. a moment of ‘beingness’, of assimilation, of oneness, of transcendence. Then there is King Conaires’ head (detached from its’ body) drinking from a golden cup uttering poetry. Alder is ‘monoecious’ meaning both male and female. A transgender being. Everything is melding and separating all at once. The ‘human-in-appearance is just that. It is not anthropomorphism, it is an attempt to describe and translate into understandable visual language something beyond written or spoken words. Did you know Alder gifts fertility to the land? It fixes nitrogen. No wonder then that tales speak of apples and sloes growing from magical Alders. Oh so much to tell.

This is a lot for our small human minds to take on board. Especially minds that have been melded by modernity into straight jacketed thinking that genders and possesses everything. Most especially in modern western languages. (Or, at least, in English). Language when it slips the moorings and sails in open waters is a deeply beautiful and magical entity, but when it is tied up, is caging and possessive and blinkers our vision. The Ogham symbol is as near as we are going to get towards a fusion of modernity and deep time, human and other-than-human even though the symbol itself is of the Roman era. How does one fuse orality with administration? The trees themselves acted as a bridge for the indigenous inhabitants to echolocate themselves in a fast changing world dealing with empire and colonialism. This is a language of an interwoven living of trees and people, but it has not been helped by the fact that Ogham was first documented by glossators, those responsible for the rule of law within the medieval church and by removal of a century or so.

Is this all too much? Shall I bring things a little closer to home? … Let’s do that.

Alder was made into shields, the wood strong under onslaught in battle. Alder underpins the whole of Venice, the trunks holding up the buildings. It is strong. Alder bleeds when cut, the white wood turning a deep reddy orange. The cones and bark can be used for dye. Red is the colour and symbolically Alder is associated with fire for its redness and is renowned for producing a high quality charcoal. Red is spirit made manifest in the space between black and white. These colours having much different significance prior to the medieval church’s re-imaginings. Alder wood is white when cut but bleeds and becomes red. When used as charcoal it is deep black and its roots in water look deepest black too. Alder and Alder Buckthorn both produce a red dye that was spit upon the ancient bear hunters when they returned to the village after a hunt. For they had stepped into the spirit world and were neither of life nor death and so balance and a drawing back into the human realm was required. It was the women that did this, as they are the ones that give birth from one realm to another. Thus it is that circles are portals, just as they are in my image. When a bear was brought back those who had stayed behind were only permitted to look at them through a circle of gold, or perhaps of brass or copper. Black, red, white and a whole essay could be written (another time) on the ancient symbolism of colour in Europe. So, what of Alders’ association with warfare and alleged warlike spirit? A warrior of battle too steps into this realm. Will he remain within the circle of life that is his (Alder) shield?

In the Cad Godeu, known as the Battle of the Trees, Alder is ‘at the head of the line/thrust forward in time’, likely a reference of use as a shield. There was a seventh century king known as ‘Mad Sweeny’ who said “O alder you are not an enemy /delightful/ is your hue/ you are not rending and prickly/ in the gap where you are.” Mad Sweeney is mad because he loses all reason and wanders the forest. (Naturally enough the Christian version has us believe he has been cursed by a Christian saint). In other words, his mind loses its moorings in the social requirements of the human world and becomes a different kind of consciousness. He loses his clothing, the trappings of daily human social life and expectations. By social norms he appears ‘mad’ but is he really? Sweeney, it seems, has an affinity with Alder.

When we get to the heart of the matter, what is what? What is the heart of things? Birch gives us provisions for the journey and lunar light, Rowan magical protection and sunlight and Alder is a bridge of fire and water, energetics and much more. Next in our simple calendar is Willow … (in our Forest Heart Fellowship coming at some point this year I shall speak of the moon and a deeper journey.)

Now … Autism

You might call it a different language. You might say, a different way to live life by. You might say an ‘other’ yet we, you and I, are still kin. Maybe we (neurotypical and neurodiverse) have more in common together than human and Alder, or maybe Autistics and Alder have more in common.

It is different ways of being and perceiving, yes?

The neurotypical world is very constraining and full of unspoken rules and lots of expectations. When I was a child I did not know how to communicate and I was regarded as ‘odd’, withdrawn, uncommunicative etc. My school reports made for interesting, if damning reading. I know how to speak now (mostly). But if I am tired, or too many demands are made, or I have had too many hoops to jump through, something has got to give. I love people I do, but I need quiet alone time to recover too. Beyond this is the sensory overwhelm which is an onslaught.

I am coming to the end of a three day contract worked since Christmas, made very difficult indeed with this injury. As a kid socks were a trial because the seams felt horrible on my toes, and tights were frankly the work-of-the-devil. All the labels had to be cut out of my clothes. Having to wear a big restrictive heavy clunky boot, never mind the pain of the injury … well, you may imagine. I have one more week to go on this contract and I am … absolutely exhausted as well as in pain. Hence why I have not yet published our CommuniTree newsletter again since Christmas!! (Please don’t misunderstand me, this is not a poor my myself and I, but a way to try and illustrate a point. A means to an end if you will).

I have been sitting with my struggles attempting to ‘do’ human life and expectations, and getting more and more drained since Christmas. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday at work and then Thursday is sat still in a very quiet place because by then I literally have no magic beans left. I am now, quite literally, crawling to the finish line. My energy is … pooling in the corners of rooms.  So, Alder … revealed energy and layers of reality and how nothing is fixed and has shown me a bridge of being that is different, but not less … I can’t really say more than that for now. Alder and Autism have their own languages and ways of being.

Allium Ursinum

That has such a good ‘mouth feel’. It sounds satisfying and is satisfying to speak. It is scrumptious. It is also a foragers’ dream … or nightmare depending at which scale of ‘otherness’ you want to view it.

As humans we tend to view the natural world as a resource, something we can make use of. We don’t see the wild world as a living breathing being or a ‘someone’ to have dialogue with. I see the Bear Garlic (also known as Ramsons, Wild Garlic, Allium Ursinum) as a beautiful being that is expected to be at the beck and call of us when we want to make use of them. People grabbing handfuls of leaves, yanking up bulbs, pulling off flowers, stealing seeds for pickling and extolling the benefits of foraging and ‘organic living’. But, it is not organic because in no sense of that word can another being that is being exploited to the point of being wiped out in some areas, be called ‘natural living’ or ‘at one with nature’ or ‘non-polluting’. Where is the asking permission, the only taking one leaf from each plant?

On the one hand I love to talk about our kin the plants and trees, and on the other I think about their gifts and am I doing the right thing by talking about them? (“Ah ha!” I hear someone exclaim, “well that’s all very well, but how do you eat then if even plants are your friends?!” To which my response is .. well, that is both the ineffable beauty and tragedy of life. That in order to live another being must die. Some of you have probably heard me say this before, but it bears repeating. I don’t think it can ever be said enough.)

I have written a piece about Allium Ursinum, but I think I will leave it for next time or this letter will be huge (It’s too big already). My writing about Allium Ursinum is a lot because it also contains my special interest about Bear who I have an affinity with. It is a tale told, a romp through history and ecology and more. But, it is not for today I have decided. Meanwhile … back to foraging … If we take Allium Ursinums’ bulbs they cannot reproduce, nor if we take all the seeds and flowers. We can enjoy, but we need to be sparing. I have got a small amount growing in my forager garden (I spoke about forager gardening last week. By the way I will address the question of compost soon but not today as I haven’t the energy or space).

Autism

The expectations and treatment of this plant and others by humans (most notably I feel a kinship with Bluebell) strike me as very similar to what autistic people have to deal with. Or, indeed, any neuro-diverse person, with a mental health need, such as anxiety, depression, trauma and so on. Or, even, people from other cultures. Like the Wild Garlic our leaves are shredded, we are left with no means for energy production. Instead we are forced to drain the resources stored in our bulbs, becoming weaker and weaker until we can’t flower any more.

That is not sustainable.

That is not sustainable living, not for plants, not for humans, not for anyone, animal, insect, fish or any other.

Animism

Am I a ‘sensitive flower’, a loony tune, with a negative over-focus on challenges? Are any of us? Let’s face it, none of us is getting out of this life unscathed! But .. we might pick up a few hints and tips from those with alternative views and ways of seeing and being and living that can make life better for all of us. That is what I think.

For a very long time I tried to fit in. My fitting in required learning language and behaviours in a way that is called ‘masking’. (Most of us do it to some degree but it is far more prevalent in the ND community). My language now is changing and ameliorating into something more akin to how I am. That ebb and flow of language energy (like that of Alder) is finding source like a river to the sea. You will notice I use capitals when I use kin names such as Alder and Allium. I use ‘they’ and ‘them,’ and I attempt not to ‘other’ or ’it’ them. I also call them ‘kin’ and ‘friends’ etc. I sometimes make mistakes, misspelling and forgetting capital letters etc, but that is ok because I am human. The intention is there. I am doing my best.

This is also me making a big attempt to be brave. I put myself through it, despite my fluctuating social anxiety, because the love outweighs the fear of being judged and making mistakes. Plus, I know deep down this is my neurodiversity and also just a story of the fragility of being human.

I know this is deep … I know it is a stretch, I know it is a big step from general cultural norms.. I know … I know. Yet, in this use of language and sharing my love of the land and all of us who live within, I am attempting somehow to find a pathway we can all walk together in wonderment of the world … to the heart of the forest. Hence this Forest Heart Community.

I feel that in sharing my experience of flowers, plants, trees and more, I am making pathways, or at least attempting to, that bring us back to remembering how things actually are. The stories of the world are blossoming and unfurling their leaves in front of us. The folklore, myths and ecology are all there teaching us when we pin back our ears and open our eyes and hearts. This is our native inheritance, no matter who we are and where we live. Of that I am sure. (Let us not talk of ‘British’ ‘shamanism’ or Druidism for example. Ooh contentious!  Need we commoditise everything? Our time is better spent under the trees listening flowers and wondering about lacewing love lives.)

Let us go to ground, wriggling our toes and getting dirty feet. Sometimes, for me at least, the beaver dam of overwhelm backs things up and its’ difficult to get the words out quite how I want. Life is a challenge for all of us from time to time. But then were cherries to blossom every day we would not treasure them so. I take gratitude in the small things.

I found out something astonishing when I watched a BBC documentary on Autism. Intelligent autistic girls are 13 times more likely to commit suicide than average. (Given my own battles when I was younger I can understand why). Here in the UK we have the worst rate of mental health in Europe for men. We have the most young people incarcerated in prison too and so on. So, what I am trying to say here is that in our search for how to live with, and learn from Other Beings, we find the medicine we need to help other humans too. For it is very clear to me that how we treat the land and her beings is very much symptomatic of how we treat each other as a wider society. This is why Forest Heart is important to me. It’s why I’m setting up a safe haven at Wild Spirit Woods our on the ground spiritual home and it why I want o create a Forest Heart Fellowship too.

It is very hard for me sometimes to share what feels close to me, and meaningful, and at times, vulnerable. But I do it for my love of the land and our Kin and I do it because no one should have to suffer alone. I also do it because I value deeply the masculine and feminine within each of us, whatever and however it turns up in whatever bodies.

I am not you. You are not me. I am not Alder, I am not Allium. They are not me.

I am Amanda Claire.

You, Me, Us … that’s how it is.

We Are.

Life is better when we experience Others as Kin. Life is better when we celebrate our differences and take delight in learning new things. Life is better when we increase our awareness of Others. We can build bridges with our awareness and we can use the bridges extended to us by our other-than-human friends.

Life is better when we are kind to each other.

Thank you for writing and commenting as you do. I do so appreciate it and if any more of you decide to write to me I always reply.

Wilding wishes and blessings

Amanda Claire - Author, Artist, Activist, Animist, Archaeologist, Autist, Arctonaut.

PS I shared my Alder Spirit Wisdom image on Facebook and I have at least a couple of people who want to buy this original or its’ replication. However, it took a few hours of work. Might some of you be interested in this as a print or on an eco tee shirt? (I would obviously fill in the hole from the wooden original). How much do you think you might pay for it on a canvas?

I’m not going to be able to work for some while with my leg, not least because I can’t drive and I’ve an emergency appointment with the specialist this week following a scan on it. So, this is a bit of a ‘hustle’.

If you’d like to you can https://www.buymeacoffee.com/amandaclairevesty

I also have a little online place called Jack In The Green with gifts and retreats etc